It is 8:20 PM, Thailand’s time. I have my fingers set on the keyboard of my computer with only the light from the monitor beaming on my face and the little amount of light coming from the phone of my roommate.

I need to extract something from my mind so I decided to turn this device on after washing dishes; whatever it is remains vague for me at this very moment.

I need to write, that is crystal clear.

It is 8:30; 10 minutes have gone so fast, I can feel one of my temples tingling with pain. I hear a cry. It is louder than the instrumental music I am listening to at this moment. I know it is a cry – something worth listening to, I know where it came from and it’s familiar.

It is 8:37; I decided to listen to it for a couple of minutes. Now I know what to write about.

Three hours back, I caught myself almost jumping around for an overwhelming joy. My Other Half just gave me a present! What’s more is that he gave me what I longed to have even before the transition of this year. He gave me journals! I was too happy that I almost forgot about my other journals waiting to run out of pages. The joy was very much comparable to a wave where it reaches the most exciting heights of it where divers or wakeboard enthusiasts would love to bring themselves into.

And then this type of wave comes, stealing the shining moment of joy — so heavy and so deep. The cry I heard is full of longing, full of aspirations and sated with the deepest yearning of that soul to be with her family. At some point, my very soul was moved; leading my soul to feel her pains and reminisce the times when I was the one crying myself over the same thing. The feeling was so vivid that it actually brought my soul almost to the ocean floor. The wave was so profound and deep-seated.

It is 8:57 PM; the stillness of the current wave is here. I would want to blame my brain for causing these ever changing and easily shifted emotions, which I’m feeling right now. It caused me bliss for a couple of hours and in an instant it took away the glee and brought me discomforts.

Amazingly, playing right in my ear is a song that says

“And when you’re tired of fighting

Chained by your control

There’s freedom in surrender

Lay it down and let it go

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away

You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held

Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place

I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

Just be held, just be held”

(Portion of the lyrics of Just be held by Casting Crowns)

God is just so good to give us this hope. He’s faithful and true to His promises that He will be with us in every way and in all circumstances.




















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